Recently, I've begun to have this weird feeling that despite everything, I'm really not working hard enough. I couldn't tell you exactly why I feel like this, because there isn't really a day that goes by where I'm not working on something, however, it's constantly there and I feel a bit rubbish about it. Therefore, I thought I'd write a blog post about it, as you do.
If you don't know my work situation, I work part time in a 'regular job' and then part time on my blog and social platforms. I love both jobs that I have, but with my blogging career I have felt so blooming lost lately, like nothing I do is particularly good enough. My accounts are growing, don't get me wrong, but despite this it feels like the results just aren't there, no matter how hard I try.
I suppose it's because of this lack of results that I've felt like it must be something I'm doing. If the opportunities aren't arriving, surely it's because I'm not working hard enough. I should be doing more.
Shoes - Gifted from Kurt Geiger (aff) | Bag - Gifted from Kurt Geiger (aff) | Skirt - Zara
This comes even more into play when I see fellow bloggers literally smashing it in every area of the internet. Instagram, Youtube, Twitter, their blog, the general media - they're everywhere and everything they do is amazing. Then I look at my stuff and naturally feel quite inadequate. I need to be working harder.
So then I'm stuck. Do I force myself to work harder? Do I force myself to be creative and do more, even when I don't really feel like it? Because, let's face it, some days I just want to curl up under a blanket and do nothing for once, but in the back of my head a tiny voice screams, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT. YOU'RE A FAILURE. YOU'RE NOT WORKING ON SOMETHING SO YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT."
And so, when I do give myself a rest, and that week I don't get any work, my brain correlates the two things together and then I'm riddled with guilt. I didn't really deserve to watch that TV show, did I? I could've been doing something far more productive.
Do you ever feel like you're not working hard enough? x
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